i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
