I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How does one acquire holy water?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
