there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
