like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
