take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
