awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
