ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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