They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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