Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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