bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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