Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
