how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
