I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
