About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
