and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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