I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
