Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
