About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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