Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
