dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
