my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
