There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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