You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
