Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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