Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
