Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
