that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
