There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
