so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
