wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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