I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
