i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
