I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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