getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
