Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
