fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize