So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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