First date: that requires underwear, huh?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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