Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is the high leading the old right now
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
