It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
