He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
