dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
