You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize