dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
