Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
