I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
