I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize