I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize