I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
