my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
