Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
