is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
