She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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