my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
