I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
