i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
