i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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