at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
