im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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