he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
