dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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