I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
