Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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