I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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