his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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