So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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