she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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