Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
