So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
