apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
