I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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