Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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