i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
