Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
