There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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