My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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