Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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