I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
