Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So vagazzling was a success
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
