oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
