who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
