i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
