I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
