you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
