i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
