I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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