I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize